The last couple of days have been hard for me. I find it is so easy to get down on myself because I know I can be more - not just that I want to be, but I can and I just have to do it. There is a fine line though when it comes to knowing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses and not letting either become a burden. I can be a very patient person and it is a strength - however, I haven't been utilizing that strength as much because I have fallen into a habit of crabbiness and frankly I've just become lazy.
So my quandry is how to overcome the laziness and yet not run faster than I am able. I'm a single mom right now for all intents and purposes and there are days when I am just exhausted! How can I be a good mom to my kids? I think we have all reached a peak in our emotions with Zane being gone so much. Really, I think my problem is how to deal with my own issues of being alone while trying to reassure and help my children feel the extra love and attention they NEED right now. I feel so guilty because they are hanging on my skirts (literally) whining and needing to be extra close, and all I want is to have some personal space!
This post is not for sympathy - I really don't want it. I just needed to vent for a minute and throw the question out there - what can I do? How can I be a better mom to my kids when they need it the most and I feel like I have nothing to give? I feel like I am at the point where even though I am praying, I am so drained and can't turn off my head long enough to hear the answer.
And I really need to say thanks to those who are helping me - I don't know what I would do without it!