Progress is good

Everyone PRAY. :) Zane's got a second interview Feb 2. We are praying not only that he gets a job with them, but that they will want him to start SOON. But 2nd interview is definitely progress.

So I am trying to do some type of major cleaning every day so when next week comes, we don't have to do a whole lot. These are the times that I wish both Zane and I were not raised to leave places nicer than how we found them. I was looking at my kitchen today after I cleaned the range hood and even without cleaning out the oven, it is still cleaner now than when we moved in. You would think that would make me relax, but no - too bad I have high standards of what is "move out clean."

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We're alive...still!

There's not a ton of new updates in our family. We are very excited Zane graduated and commissioned as an officer in December. We got to spend time with lots of family and friends, and the kids had a blast with my parents over Christmas. We are truly blessed. Princess was very happy to start school again after the holidays (she'd had enough of us), and the boys are as precocious and silly as ever. No word on a job yet, but we've decided to leap in and move to Utah in the hopes of finding something sooner and easier than we can in the 'Burg. So we will be official Utahns at the end of the month! Lots of prayers are being said here right now - for sure! :) Anyway, life is always adventurous and we are all going with the flow for now. I'm sure there will be more to update soon, but for now - that's all!

Christmas gifts

I've been trying to think of ways to get the kids involved with Christmas giving this year because they are getting old enough to understand giving to each other and I think it's a super fun part of the holidays. We decided to do a "Homemade" theme for Christmas this year, so everyone will give and get something homemade. I'm excited to get the kids ready for it - I even found some ideas for the boys to get involved in. :) Zane's not too sure about this whole non-buying thing (well, except for a few supplies) but I think he'll catch on soon enough! Anyway, I just wanted to put it out there that there are some fun ideas available online if you want to help your kids with some gifts this year! Just Google "homemade gifts for kids to make."

Our crazy life

Someday this up-and-down-and-all-around journey our lives are on will be over and we will be settled, right? :) Zane is waiting to see if any of the interviews he has had will pan out into actual official job offers, so we are playing the waiting game for a few more weeks. Meanwhile we are trying to do all we can on our side to make sure we are prepared and ready for whatever comes. It's been a struggle as some of you know for me to accept that we felt so good and sure about Boise, but there are just no jobs for Zane. Perhaps it's just not the right timing, but it just doesn't seem to be working out to go there. Who knows why we would feel right about it and then not? I questioned my ability to receive revelation among other things, but I recently just accepted that I did feel good about it, but it's okay if things change - I can't see the whole picture. It has been a process though for sure! So the two companies Zane has the biggest leads on are both based in Utah. Fun, fun!

Meanwhile the kids are just doing great! Princess is doing very well in school and loving every minute. She is reading more and more and still loves to do any kind of artwork. She is involved in an after school program two days a week and she loves it so much she can't understand why I don't have her in it every day. But I would miss her terribly - it's hard enough on the days she has it already! :) I'm glad she is doing well with it though, it makes me feel better about her adjustment to a full day of school next year - or the next few months depending on what school she transfers to. She is always helpful and can hardly wait until we have a place that can have a garden. :) She is making such good friends at school and still loves to dress up and play princess and pretend. She is also giving a talk in primary next week and is very excited (which for those who know her is a big deal). It looks like she is starting to come out of her "embarrassment" for being in front of people. I hope, I hope! Princess is also very diligent about homework - hope that lasts and she doesn't take after her mom and dad! :)

Cowboy is my sweet trial right now. There is something about that 3 1/2 stage that is so hard for me. He is no exception. It amazes me how he can be making me want to scream one minute and laugh the next with some funny expression or saying or look he gives. He is his own person that is for sure! :) In all honesty, the little tyrant melts my heart and is just a fun little boy with LOTS of energy and a brain that won't slow down. He is my boy that is addicted to the tv, but always trying to use the arms of my couches as horses. He puts down blankets then sits on top of pillows for his saddle and uses a jump rope as the reins of his horses. I'm very interested to see if he really loves real horses as much - we'd like to find somewhere that will give him riding lessons when he's old enough. :) He also LOVES Star Wars and is constantly pretending that he is Yoda or Annikan or Luke with his "light saver."

Brother Bear is officially in nursery now and starting to communicate so much more. He is still our big boy and now weighs 1 lb more than his brother so I'm having to practice safe picking up so as to not hurt my back. :D He is a joy though and loves to climb on everything, pretend sword and gun fight with his brother, and gets so excited about dogs and horses (like his brother). He crawls around on the floor growling and barking like a dog, and likes to tattle on his siblings. He'll come and grab my leg just chewing out about something and bring me to whoever is the offender and point and jabber.

Last night one of Zane's friends brought his baby over so we could watch her for a little while because his wife's work schedule overlaps his class. It was so fun! She is just a tiny little bundle and only 2 months. I'm not sure who loved having her here more - me or the kids. :) Brother Bear kept saying in a high voice "Baby, aww Baby!" and giving her kisses on her head. Princess wanted to hold her the whole time (I had to argue with her to get a turn) (: and Cowboy was the same as the other two, but not quite as hovering - he didn't have the patience to stick around as long. It makes me want to have another one, but don't worry - I should be able to hold off for a while until our lives get a little more under control. :o)

We are a little excited and nervous about the new step in our lives. We will be looking to buy when we move, so wish us luck! When we compared the differences in renting vs buying in Utah, the buying far outweighs the renting. Especially since rent is on average at LEAST a 100-200 more than a mortgage including the taxes and insurance. So we decided we should look into the buying and hopefully we can find something before the $8000 tax credit ends. Might as well take advantage of it while we can. :o)

Religious Freedom

I read this link on a friend's facebook status and feel that everyone needs to be exposed to it. Elder Dallin H Oaks gave a devotional talk today at BYU-Idaho. All I have to say is AMEN, and AMEN - and God help us all.

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/religious-freedom

Over it

So I guess the way to get over regret is actually write it out, or talk it over with someone. :) I'm over it. hahaha. I've also realized a certain trend to my feelings of guilt/regret - they happen to come about once a month or so...

:)

Regret

I'm not sure how I feel about this emotion. In some cases, I think it's good to regret because it reminds you not to go down that path or make that choice again. That being said, for me it is also an emotion that is hard to overcome. I was looking through my old pictures yesterday and came across some of an old friend of mine. That person is one of my biggest regrets. I dreamed about it all night. I truly don't think there is anything more I can do to try and make restitution, so there's no sense dwelling on it, right? Ah, but therein lies my problem - how do I rid myself of this feeling of regret? This person meant SO much to me and became a major casualty in the stage of my life where I was like a roller coaster/ping pong ball going from one thing to another - not sure of anything. No this wasn't an old boyfriend, but a dear friend whom I hurt deeply. Most of the time I can ignore this area of regret in my life, but there are times that I am truly pained by it. I wish there was more I could do, but I fear it is simply impossible to do anything else...

Perhaps it is just one of the many human experiences that make this life what it is and perfects us. I guess I just keep praying this feeling of regret will go away...maybe I am just selfish and just want to have some peace of mind. I just want to meet up with this person and have a good long talk and personally ask for forgiveness. I wish it were possible. Maybe it's something that will just have to wait until we are on the other side.

Regret is interesting. I'm not entirely sure how to shake it off, realizing that it isn't right to dwell on such things. This person probably doesn't even care one bit anymore and has rightfully moved on and forgotten all about it. Although I think sometimes it's easier to forget and forgive if you are the offended rather than being the offender. It's harder to forgive myself than it is to forgive others.

Cleanliness

*sigh*

Potty training with Cowboy has been relatively easy for which I am grateful.

I just want to mention though, that I don't think I have EVER had as clean of a bathroom in my life - his wonderful dad was trying to do the right thing and teach him to hold his appendage down...which has unfortunately decreased the aim factor SIGNIFICANTLY for some strange reason. Needless to say, between wanting the toilet clean in case Brother Bear gets past the barriers (ie- closed doors and everyone else in the family) and starts throwing toys in, and needing to bleach the entire area each day to rid myself of the feeling of a gross public restroom-I have a VERY clean bathroom.

*sigh*

I'm sure it could be worse, right? :) At least he and Michael aren't playing sword fights...yet!

Content

I posted this on facebook, but I love being content. Of course, I don't think you should be too content and just let things go and stop striving for higher - but it's nice to be able to sit down and look at my husband and children, think on our journey and be...happy. It is certainly a blessing from God, especially considering all that is uncertain in our lives right now.

I've been on a pioneer kick lately. Maybe that's why I am feeling so content and happy. The things they were able to endure and the attitudes with which they lived have really inspired me to adopt the slogan by Elder Wirthlin, "Come what may, and love it!" There is a bigger picture and focusing on the eternal scheme helps smooth out the roughness of our every day roads.

8 years ago...

I was glued to a television screen along with millions of other Americans feeling utter shock and horror at the events occuring before my eyes. I remember gasping and shouting "Oh NO!" as I watched one tower, then the other collapse into nothingness wondering how many people were now dead. I remember sobbing and crying that my homeland was under attack, and the comfort and strength that filled me when everyone else I saw had the same tear streaked faces. The fierce patriotism and humble turning to the God of all was awe-inspiring.

Some seem to have forgotten and that really frustrated me last year. But I remember. I will never forget. And as long as there is at least one willing to stand and pay tribute, those who died, sacrificed, and defend will be remembered. I am an American, I do believe in God, I will teach my children who is in charge of this blessed nation, and until my dying day I will proudly hang my flag and declare GOD BLESS AMERICA!

(I hope this doesn't come across that everyone else doesn't care, I was just trying to say that I will never forget and therefore I know at least one person who will always remember).

Lock your Toilets

Brother Bear has discovered a new toy...the toilet. He is so proud of himself when he dumps an entire roll of toilet paper, or half a bag of wipes, or most recently several toys. At least he's not trying to flush - YET! *sigh* What can you do though when you have a newly potty trained 3 yr old who has to go on a moment's notice? You can't exactly lock your toilet...

SO excited for this new stage! :) hehe.

Autumn

I LOVE autumn!  Today is the first day that it actually feels and smells like it and I am in such a great mood.  

The smell alone is so invigorating to me - crisp and fresh.  Love love LOVE it!

This time of year just makes me wish we could go back to the old days where everyone stays in the same town and you have Sunday dinner at Grandma's with all the extended family around. It's nice sometimes to live in a community that farms because you get that added harvest time excitement and atmosphere.  :)  I am so looking forward to this fall season - Halloween and Thanksgiving, and soon after, Zane's graduation and Christmas!  

So bring on the sweaters and yummy smells!  :) 

I just googled some images of wallpaper for autumn, so no clue who to give credit for this lovely montage.  :)

Cold Cereal

There are many modern conveniences for which I am truly grateful ie - indoor plumbing, hot water, medicine, modes of transportation and communication, appliances, and much much more.  But I have to say, I am REALLY grateful for cold cereal.  It's such a quick and easy meal, any time of the day - and if you pick the right kinds, they can actually be pretty nutritious.  Someone really should write an ode to cold cereal - it's that great!  :)

What a week

So last Wednesday we found out Zane had to pick a state/area to live in for the military by the end of the week in order for him to get his choice of what branch he wanted (ie-military intelligence, combat engineers, finance, etc).  CRAZY!  Our original plan was to go where the job is when he graduates...not so much.  It's been a week of lots of prayers, fasting, and relying on faith that wherever we chose, Zane would be able to find a job there.  I can't even imagine trying to do this without relying on inspiration, I would probably go nuts.  That being said, we narrowed down our choices to Washington and Georgia, but we felt neutral on both and on Friday we were still stewing over the choices.  We talked and talked and talked, and then decided on Boise.  :0D  Yes, Boise.  Isn't it funny how life works?  Zane is really excited because he is going to do a masters program out there for community and regional planning - the entire reason he got into construction management in the first place (we had just forgotten about it in the grind of nitty gritty).  We'll be close to my grandma which will be so great, and it's a great place to live, so we are thrilled about the turn of events!  Not sure whether we will be staying here after he graduates in December for Princess to finish kindergarten while Zane's in training, or move over there in January...we'll have to see at a later date.  

Meanwhile, I got REALLY sick this weekend and am basically bedridden for the second day in a row.  I wouldn't be surprised if it's mono, or something to do with mono, but I'm pulling for a funny case of the flu.  :)  We'll finally have insurance as of tomorrow, so I can get into the doctor and see what in the world is going on.

I'll have to post more later when I can post pictures, but Princess started kindergarten this last week and LOVES going to school!  She loves riding the bus, feeling so big, etc.  I love that little girl and it is so fun to watch her bloom.  I cried a little bit when we were saying prayers before she left, and then when I dropped her off and drove home without her, but it was hard to be sad when she was SOOO excited.  I'm not on the computer with the pictures, so I'll have to do that when I feel better.  

A much needed update

I don't feel like I can do a complete update, but since it has been 2 months since writing on here, a brief overview is definitely in order. So here is what's happening in our neck of the woods:

-Cowboy is POTTY-TRAINED!!! I am soo grateful he was so easy and he rarely has any accidents and I rarely have to remind him to go - just when we are out and about. IT is AWESOME and after my last round of potty training, I am so grateful and relieved - I was dreading this day and now that it has come and gone - I can't believe I didn't do it sooner! :)

-Princess starts school next week and it is hard to believe. She is extremely excited, and I have to admit, I am getting excited too. She is so ready for this next step, but it is hard for me to know I am no longer going to be in control of everything she is exposed to. It makes me more determined to be less critical and more encouraging, and on top of our family home evenings to combat everything she will be getting thrown at her the next several years. My baby - she said that it was "ok" if I took her to her classroom the first day of school, but NOT after that "Only one time Mom! Then I ride the bus." *sigh* I'm glad Zane will be home then because I get a little teary just thinking about it.

- Brother Bear is a whole new child. The last month he has seriously blossomed! It is so fun to see him getting involved and trying to make people laugh and jabbering. He is such a sweetheart and still a mama's boy with not a lot of affinity toward other women, but he took to his grandpa and uncles for sure! He's a "man's man" kind of boy - I love to watch him learn and grow. He has his own language right now that is getting a little easier to decipher, but I have a feeling I will be needing to translate anything he doesn't sign for other people for quite a while...what a cutie.

- Zane is enjoying his time right now in Georgia learning about helicopters and is getting excited to jump/slide/whatever out of them and will be home from all training/internship etc on Saturday. Yay for us! We haven't seen too much of him this year it seems like. He starts in on his final semester of school in September! There is an end to all of this - I'm so grateful! Where we will be and what we will be doing is still in the air a bit, and he still has more training after he commissions, so all that is still to be determined, but hey - he's commissioning and getting his diploma in December - HOOAH!!

- I've had a rough month myself, but am so grateful for supportive and loving parents (on both sides!) I'm not sure I would have made it this last week without my mom here to listen to me and just provide me some companionship. It was fun to go out to VA for so long and see my parents and sister. We didn't really do a whole lot, but it was nice to be out of our apartment for a while. Zane was able to fly out and join us and a day after he got there my cousin died, we had the funeral the following week in Pennsylvania (which there are definitely some BEAUTIFUL areas there!!! We fell in love with the dutch country) and a couple of days after the funeral we found out Zane had to be home 3 days earlier than expected to go to GA and right after we arranged to go back sooner, my grandpa (dad's dad) died in Utah. So we flew in LATE friday, drove home Sat, Zane got on a flight Sun, and I drove back down to UT for the funeral Monday. It's been a little exhausting so I was so glad when my mom told me she was coming up to my house for a week and would be leaving just a couple days before Zane got home. What a blessing!

On that note, I need to get some things done, but I just want to say I am so blessed. I have a wonderful and supportive family, good friends, much to be grateful for, but most of all, I am SO blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It sustains me, strengthens me, lifts me, and touches my life in every way. In so much chaos in the world and even in my own life at times, just knowing who I am, why I am here, where I am going, and WHO is in charge gives me so much peace, comfort, and HOPE. There is life after death, we can be with our loved ones forever, and no matter what life may throw at us, the Lord will carry us through. I am truly BLESSED.

AM I CRAZY?!?!?

For a while I have been feeling frustrated with the amount of television my family and I watch.  It is so addicting!  At night we don't even really watch anything, we just keep surfing the channels watching various uninteresting things and are just lazy.  I hate it.  So Zane and I have been talking about it for a while and I decided maybe we should just unplug the cable so all we could do was watch movies.  Then it dawned on me that wasn't going to solve the amount of watching at all either because I would just throw in movies for the kids.

So today, Zane and I packed up our beautiful television in its box, took down the wall mount, and packed it away in storage.  Are we crazy?  I'm sure there will be times I think I am.  But I just feel like there is more to life and we are stuck on the couch TOO much!  So now I am going to go and buy some pretty thing to put on my wall to cover the nakedness.  :)  Wish me luck in this endeavor!

By the way, I have to be honest - we aren't going completely tv-less.  Eventually we will be bringing back our itty bitty tv to put in our room strictly for movies on sick days and those horrible Rexburg winters when I need a break from entertaining children.  :)  But I think it will be on less if it's not a focal point in the house...I hope!

Princess is 5!!!

Picking strawberries with her aunt


"Belle" with her totally awesome cake. (if I do say so myself) (:

Still a Daddy's girl

Her friends and cousins-all dolled up.

I am so in love with this girl! She is my first baby. Princess is the best helper to me, and so much fun to be around. I couldn't ask for more. My heart is so full! Happy birthday to my baby girl Princess!

Mommy days

The last couple of days have been hard for me. I find it is so easy to get down on myself because I know I can be more - not just that I want to be, but I can and I just have to do it. There is a fine line though when it comes to knowing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses and not letting either become a burden. I can be a very patient person and it is a strength - however, I haven't been utilizing that strength as much because I have fallen into a habit of crabbiness and frankly I've just become lazy.

So my quandry is how to overcome the laziness and yet not run faster than I am able. I'm a single mom right now for all intents and purposes and there are days when I am just exhausted! How can I be a good mom to my kids? I think we have all reached a peak in our emotions with Zane being gone so much. Really, I think my problem is how to deal with my own issues of being alone while trying to reassure and help my children feel the extra love and attention they NEED right now. I feel so guilty because they are hanging on my skirts (literally) whining and needing to be extra close, and all I want is to have some personal space!

This post is not for sympathy - I really don't want it. I just needed to vent for a minute and throw the question out there - what can I do? How can I be a better mom to my kids when they need it the most and I feel like I have nothing to give? I feel like I am at the point where even though I am praying, I am so drained and can't turn off my head long enough to hear the answer.

And I really need to say thanks to those who are helping me - I don't know what I would do without it!

Birthday and Weekend fun!

Here are just a bunch of pictures from the boys' birthdays and playing on the weekend. There aren't many pics of Cowboy (may as well write his name since it's on the cake - oh well.) on the b-day, but we did get lots of video of him.