Overdue picture update

This is Brother Bear's get up EVERY DAY.

A rare picture I grabbed of Cowboy.

All 3 boys will sit and play with Legos for quite some time

The tongue, feeding himself prunes.

love the chubs

First bath with brother

silly girl eating chocolates :)  Love holiday clearances!

Seriously love the tongue!  :)

Cowboy is now camera shy and therefore practically impossible to get any decent pictures.  They're growing so fast!  And I'm so in love.

Feeling the love

It's been a good day to be "mommy."

Baby Boy has discovered his tongue and is always blowing raspberries and sticking his tongue out which is so cute and today he said, "mama" and though I know it wasn't in reference to me, he did say it!  :)

Brother Bear in his prayer last night said unprompted, "Thanks for Mommy."

Cowboy in his prayer tonight said, "Bless mommy to pretect us."

And I watched as my Princess curled up on the couch and read one of the Magic Treehouse books.  A girl after my own heart for certain.  :)  Though I may regret her being that way when she gets older and tunes everyone and everything out as she reads instead of doing chores or homework...like her mother did/does.  haha.

Love my kids.

Like my Mother

I was sitting in the mother's room at church and was listening to the other ward's sacrament meeting and heard a couple of very good talks that really touched me.

The first was a young woman.  The theme of the meeting was the 13th Article of Faith (for those who don't know what those are, click here) which is actually the mutual theme this year.  So the following is a brief synopsis of what the young woman was saying:  I was looking at what it said, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men..." and was trying to think of someone who exemplified all of those qualities and I immediately thought of my mom.  My mom is the truest example of someone who is honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous.  She went on to say more about her mom and what kind of things she did that showed her daughter how to live and act. 

There I sat, nursing Baby Boy with tears streaming down my cheeks and the thought crossed my mind, am I living in a way that my children can say that about me?  What can I do to change?  Here in these simple words lie my foundation for our household and what I want to teach my children.  To be honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and doing good to all men...we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things and hope to be able to endure all things...

Then a young man spoke, building upon those principles.  He spoke on what it was to be chaste - it's not just about being morally clean, it's about making our thoughts and actions pure as well. 

This made me think.  How do I speak?  Are my thoughts pure and clean?  What do I allow myself to watch and listen to?  Am I honest and benevolent?

Needless to say, I was grateful for those two young people and their insight and the opportunity I had to listen and be touched by their words. 

Home

Where do you consider "home"? 

I moved 7 times before graduating from high school.  While I was in college, I came home every summer to a different city in an entirely different state from where I graduated.  While in college, I myself moved every other semester (with the exception of one apt that I stayed 3 semesters).

Zane and I have moved...well let's see...from the beginning we:
1-met in Rexburg, I moved back to my parents in Illinois, then back to Rexburg to be with Zane
2-moved to California to get married and lived there for a while
3-moved back to Rexburg
4-moved to OR and lived with family, then managed 2 different apartment complexes
5-moved back to Rexburg (lived in 2 different apartments)
6-moved to Maryland while Zane entered the army
7-back to Rexburg (2 different apartments again)
8-moved to Utah
9-moved to Twin, will move again at some point possibly later this year.

With all of this, you wouldn't really think I could consider any place home, right?  That's true to a degree, but I have to say, every time I hear a country song or southern accent - I yearn for the South.  Not just a twinge of homesickness, I mean - I miss it something fierce.  I miss my accent that I had to drop while majoring in broadcasting.  I miss every little thing about it (except the gnats, and those really horrid humid summer days).  But sometimes I wonder if I would belong there anymore.  I've changed - more than I care to admit.  The food of the south is wonderful and amazing, and I don't think I would like it one bit anymore (So sad!).  I've been gone so long I fear I've adopted these Western ideas of behavior.  I was a flirt.  I'll admit it.  But sometimes people who aren't from the South can misconstrue just being friendly with being flirty and so over the years, I've become much more reserved.  That's just one of the things that has changed.  I've also grown accustomed to the mountains, and dry desert air, and altitude, and lack of bugs (except those stupid flies that never die).  I like being able to tell which direction is north or south just by the road I'm driving on (not so meandering).  But oh, when there is a thunderstorm I so miss those afternoon showers and the torrential downpours that grace the South so frequently.  I miss chatting with the lady in front of me in the grocery line like she was my best friend.  I really miss my accent (I already said that, but I really do) and it always makes my husband laugh when I talk to someone and it slips right back in like it was never gone.  I tell him it's like I'm speaking a foreign language all the time (Idahoan) and I have been doing it so long that I don't feel like I can slip back permanently into the Southern drawl without being fake, but those few moments I relax my mouth feel like coming home.

I guess you just have to have lived there to understand why I consider the South my home, even though it was only my home for 6 years and I've been gone for 11 now.  I don't know if I'll ever get back there.  But for now, I guess I'll just turn up those country tunes, smile and sing along, watch me some Paula Dean ya'll, and every once in a while allow myself the pleasure and say "Toe-let" instead of Toilet.  :)

It's a choice

I've been thinking a lot about life and how easy it is to get discouraged and caught up in the drudgery.  For example, it would be easy to be sad and feel lonely and irritated that I am by myself with 4 kids, never really getting a break, in constant demand by someone or something.  I would be easy to be annoyed going to the store having to lug all the kids in.  It would be easy to think that motherhood is a very thankless and unrewarding job.  It would be easy to wish these early years away until all the kids are in school and out of my hair, or until they are out of the house.

It would be easy... 

Who said life is supposed to be easy?  Life is about choices.  And this is what I chose.  I chose to become a wife and mother.  I chose to support my husband's decision to join the Army.  I chose to do whatever I could to be a stay-at-home mom.  And I choose to rejoice.

I rejoice in my children.  I rejoice in my role in their lives.  Motherhood is in no way a thankless job.  I get thanked every time I see my children laughing.  I am thanked when they are hurt and my arms and kisses are the only thing they want for comfort.  I am thanked when a grubby little hand hangs onto my finger and pulls me over to show me something they made waiting for my praise.  I am rewarded with tender kisses and "I love you Mommy." I am rewarded when a little person climbs into my bed and says, "Mommy, I'm scared can you hold me?" and I am the one they want to chase away those bad things.  Being a mother is not just something, it is everything.

My husband's family has a theme of "Get over it."  It took me a long time to figure that out and I think I've turned it into my own - "Deal with it."  Life can be hard, so work through it, deal with it, and move on to the next challenge.  And in the meantime, make a choice to live, rejoicing daily.

I'm officially ruined

I am.  And it's all Zane's fault.

He has ruined my imagination.

I just realized that a vast majority of the time, no matter how descriptive an author is on what a main male character looks like - it never fails: I picture a handsome not-too-tall, not-too-small, medium build man with dark hair and light eyes...amazingly similar to this:

But not exactly, because I don't picture myself as the female character, and that would be weird.  :)

What can I say?  I'm in love. 

Inviting all to come unto Christ: Sharing the gospel

Really?

Sickness is in our house - again.  Didn't I just post about this?  Really!  *sigh*  Tis the season, but it doesn't make it any more fun and my house smells of Lysol and bleach in abundance tonight.  Here's an update:  Baby Boy developed a stuffy nose and it went straight to his chest last night and he's been pretty miserable today.  The other two boys have a stuffy nose/coughing virus.  But poor Princess has had the roughest go of it.  She got a stomach bug and threw up at school on Friday (all over herself), and by that night she was screaming about her pee pee hurting so I took her in to the ER where she got on some antibiotics.  She's still struggling with the stomach bug, now she has a UTI, and tonight she's got the awful cough/sore throat/stuffy nose and fever mess. 

I know my kids are tired of being sick, and I'm tired of them being sick.  Honestly, we really do wash and sanitize hands A LOT at our house.  I even shampooed the carpets tonight hoping it would help with getting better (that, and it needed to be shampooed in the high traffic areas anyway and I didn't want to pay someone to do it).  But I reached the end today and I just wanted to sit down and cry and have a good pity party.  So of course, the best way to have a pity party is to call my mom!  :)

Zane being gone is difficult in and of itself, but taking care of sick children for so long by myself is wearing on me.  I was sad and frustrated that while I was home, yet again, not getting any breaks with my sickos - Zane had gone to their weekly movie and was out to eat w/ some friends before they headed out for a night of kareoke and dancing.  :o/  So yes, I was frustrated and jealous and thinking that it is absolutely not fair that he got to go have carefree fun while I was sitting at home once again running around trying to entertain and take care of the four kids - BY MYSELF.

But you know, I would be devastated if I were the one missing these precious moments that occur daily with my kids.  Baby Boy was so cute when I was drying my hair and holding him because every time any bit of air would blow on his face he would duck his head and rub his eyes with his chubby little fists.  Brother Bear was carrying a tent pole around (plastic and short).  First it was a fishing pole and he was catching fish to cook for me to eat, then it was a dragon getter and he had to go find the dragons and kill them, then it it was a gun to shoot, and finally he was running full speed around the house yelling "AAAHHHHH!!!!" while holding the pole over his head like a spear.  I was laughing so hard.  Cowboy completely surprised me by looking at the cereal box and saying, "Hey Mom look! R-I-C-E says Rice, K-R-I-S-Q-I mean P-I-E-S Krispies.  That says Rice Krispies!"  I honestly thought he'd never learn his alphabet in time for kindergarten.  And Princess is loving reading in her scriptures and I am amazed at how well she does.  Those are just things that occurred today.  Not to mention every other day. 

So am I tired, yes, even exhausted and drained and stretched quite thin?  You bet!  Do I get jealous of Zane's ability to do whatever he wants without worrying about baby-sitters, nursing babies, sick babies, etc?  Absolutely!  Would I trade places with anyone else?  Never.  It may be a huge amount of responsibility to be a single parent (for all intents and purposes), but I am the one who gets to experience everything first hand, and that is completely priceless.  Besides, winter can't last forever, right?  :)  I do keep thinking to myself, just make it through February - one more month - you can do this!  hahaha.  Then it's going to be, let's get through March - one more month - you can do this!  :)  It's pretty amazing how the Lord gives us opportunities to learn just how capable we are.

Oh January

I'd just like to say, you are not my friend.
I don't like how long of a month you are.  Why do you stick around?
I don't like that you are followed by February - also a LONG month (ironic as is seems).
I really don't like the weather you have brought.  No snow, but very cold and gray??  Who wants to play outside in that?  Not my kids apparently.
I'm glad you are almost over.
I'm glad I've fought off your blahs so long.
Goodbye January - I'm looking forward to a long break from you...

Shared burdens

The Lord says to cast your burdens upon Him and He will make them light.  I know that is true without a shadow of a doubt and I've felt that many times in my life.

I am blessed.  Truly.  Can I just tell you a few of the blessings I received just today at the hands of others?  My daughter got breakfast for her brothers this morning so I could lay in bed and nurse Baby Boy a little longer.  I had a friend at church who not only helped me get the kids to their classes, but also picked them up for me when my class was running late.  I was surrounded by helpers today during sacrament meeting, and without being asked, they helped my kids and sat with them when I had to take Baby Boy out while he was fussy.  A sweet teenager colored and kept my kids quiet and entertained during the meeting so I could get Baby to sleep in the carseat and then hold Brother Bear while he went to sleep.  And then my home teacher and his family came over after the meeting and asked if I needed help getting out to the car (Brother Bear was still sleeping) - so the two boys carried a bag and Baby Boy's carseat out to the car for me.  I've been put in charge of arranging meals and such for compassionate service and I was concerned about having enough volunteers for a funeral this Saturday - but I had people not only sign up, but come up to me and offer their services.  I am always getting asked if I am doing alright while Zane is gone and what do I need? 

Like I said.  Blessed.  And that's not even the half of it.  The Lord will always carry our burdens and make them light, sometimes using other people's shoulders.  How grateful I am.

To Uncle Brad

I thought of you today and once again wished for time to turn back the clock.  I was singing a song from Les Mis and playing the piano.  I wished so badly that I would have shared with you my love of Broadway and musical theater (that I am just now rekindling), and perhaps taken you to a show, that I hadn't been so warped about my singing for so long, and I had sung with you while you were still alive.  I think we could have made some pretty great music together.  I miss your voice.  You were only a part of my life and family for 6 years, but I loved you.  While we were dating, Zane kept telling me about his "Uncle Brad" and how much he loved you.  Upon our first meeting, I could understand why and I quickly felt the same affinity.  You changed a lot before you died, and I missed how you were before, like when you sang at our wedding, but I understand.  I can't listen to "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" without thinking of you, and you know, I like your version the very best.  I sang for my husband for the first time a couple of months after you died.  It was the first time I've sung in public in almost 8 years and it was long overdue and inspired by you.  So Brad, I hope you heard me today when I played "Memory," because I sang it just for you.  Sorry I waited so long.

Surgery

So all three older kids went in this morning for tonsadectomies and Princess got a tube in her ear.  They did pretty well.  Brother Bear was super fast but hysterical and it took quite some time to calm him down after he came out.  Princess went next, and takes after her mama in being very sensitive to the anesthesia so it took them quite some time to wake her up, and then she had the lovely throwing up episode.  Poor baby, I was sitting on her bed nursing Baby Boy and she threw up into her jello cup.  I couldn't really do anything to catch it, so I had to take Baby Boy into the other room w/Grandma and the boys, holler for a nurse, and then come in and help her wipe up.  She threw up again right before we came home - it was the closest I've come to adding my own throw up into the mixture in a long time.  Cowboy was last because they had to start an IV and antibiotics due to his heart murmur.  He is such a funny kid.  When they were getting ready to insert the IV he says, "Kay, just don't put it ALL the way through!"  It wasn't as bad as it could have been in recovery, but was quite the juggling act with a nursing baby, and 3 recovering kiddos, but thanks to Grandma - it turned out alright.  I will admit there was about 5 minutes in there after they brought Cowboy back where I wanted to break down and cry and I wondered how in the world we were going to take care of 3 very very sad and in pain children.  The whining is going to be the hardest to be patient with I think.  Well, that and trying to reason with a 4 and 2 yr old that screaming from the sore throat pain will actually make it hurt worse.  On the way home from the hospital Cowboy expressed quite pitifully, "I want my tonsils back!"

Thank heaven above Baby Boy did so great.  He was so happy-go-lucky and has been all day.  We've been truly blessed!

Poor Princess also had a sty on her eye.  Before surgery.

Before surgery - getting an iv for some antibiotics.  A sweet nurse gave him the "special" camo tape

Didn't get a pre-op pic, so this is in recovery.

Watching Dora

This was before she puked ALL over those nice clean blankets.  :)

Sweet baby girl

Going home!

I love this smile!

Home at last

Watching movies

My throat hurts Grandma!

Our living room set up for the next couple of days.

And the happy baby of the family

LOVE this statement

If you can't tell, I'm always on the lookout for ideas to help me become a better mother this year.

There are times when reading or listening to someone speak that a line just jumps out and touches you in some spectacular manner.  I was reading the January Ensign and in the article President Thomas S. Monson was talking about missionary work, but something he wrote struck a chord with me because I believe that raising children is also an errand of the Lord.  "Remember that this is the Lord's work, and when we are on the Lord's errand, we are entitled to the Lord's help.  The Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it."

I love that statement.  It went straight to my heart as only truth does.  The responsibility of being a mother can be daunting.  It is my obligation to teach them the things they need to know to return to their Father in Heaven.  To arm them with the weapons they need to fend of Satan's attacks.  The task is vast and great.  The term burden doesn't have to be negative.  I do have the burden of raising my children unto the Lord.  I take great comfort in that sentence: The Lord will shape the back to bear the burden placed upon it.  It goes along the lines of "with God, all things are made possible."

How grateful I am for continuing revelation and a prophet here on Earth. 

Mom knows best!

I laughed so hard about this while telling it to my mom, I actually snorted.

Princess has a sore in her nose and I put some polysporin on it and told her not to touch it - no matter what.  She asked, "What if it itches?"  To which I replied, "Scratch your bum."  A while later I look over and she is starting to scratch her bum with her brow creased in puzzlement and says, "Mom, is it really going to work for my nose if I scratch my bum?"  I said, "Of course it will, honey."  I then promptly went into my room and about died laughing.
HAHAHAHA!!!!!  I'm still rolling now recounting it.  Sometimes I forget how literal children can be.  LOVE them!

Borrowed story

A friend of mine had this posted on her blog from a talk given in church and I just love it.  It was exactly what I needed to read today in my quest of being a better mom.  Hope you don't mind me using it Amber!

There was a man who desperately wanted a nice lawn. He spent all his time out in his yard trying to get rid of the weeds that were growing among his grass. Every Saturday he would go to the local nursery and buy another product to try to kill those weeds. When a week passed and he didn't see a noticeable difference, he would go back to the nursery again and get another product to try. He did this for a couple months with little success in killing all those weed for good. At the nursery there was an old man who had been a landscaper for many years and was an expert in lawn care. After several months of watch the young man come in and buy weed killers he finally approached him and gave him some advice. He told the young man to forget the weeds and spend his efforts fertilizing and nourishing the grass. Then with exception of a few necessary pluckings now and then, he would no longer have the weeds. Instead he would have a beautiful lush lawn that kept the weeds from growing in the first place.

The speaker then compared this story to us as parents. How often we spend our energy on the things we see as faults in our children. We put so much effort into plucking out and killing the weeds in their lives that we are out of energy to do the fertilizing. Sometimes we even do the same thing in our own lives. If we focus on encouraging and nurturing the good things we see in our children and ourselves then we will discover that those things will blossom until there is no more room for the bad. So save your plucking for the really big things and otherwise just spend lots of time fertilizing and enjoying the wonderful lawn it produces in our lives.

What a year!

As we all do, I've been reflecting on this last year and the events that have occurred for our family, lessons we've learned, and giving some thought on what we can do better this next year.

2010 brought:
- A scary time of unemployment
- A move to Utah
- Zane's first "real job"
- Another move back to Idaho, but getting to live in a "real" house with a yard (and garage!)  :)
- first soccer, t-ball, and basketball teams
- Princess in school all day!
- Zane's departure for Misery
- Many, many testaments to the tender mercies of the Lord.
- And of course, the highlight of our year was the birth of Baby Boy

I learned more about myself this year, and not all of it was pleasant.  But I'm grateful for a forgiving husband and children who loved me in spite of me.  I look forward to what this new year will bring.  I anticipate a career change and another move on the horizon, but what, where, and when will reveal themselves in time.  My husband will turn 30, I will lose another baby to school (*sigh*).  All of them will continue to grow and change in many different ways, as will I.

President Hinckley said in one of his closing remarks to General Conference, "Our faith will have been strengthened, our resolve fortified. Where we have felt defeated and beaten, I hope that a new courage has come into our lives. Where we have been wayward and indifferent, I hope that a spirit of repentance has taken hold of us. Where we have been unkind or mean and selfish, I hope that we have determined that we will change. All who walk in faith will have had that faith strengthened."  I feel like this is an appropriate statement to end my year and begin another.  I feel optimistic and hopeful of the changes that need to occur in my life.  There are many things I need to work on and I've learned a lot and I'm looking forward to what new things we will learn in the next 12 months.

Ramblings

I took Baby Boy to his 4 mo check up (yes, he is almost 5 months old...whatever).  He is 19 lbs, 25 inches.  Huge baby!  :)  I love his little rolls though.  All our babies (Cowboy included) got so super chubby and I could just eat them up!  He is doing really great though.  He is sitting up, rolling over, and heaven help us - he is scooting forward with his feet.  Thankfully his arms haven't caught on yet, or he'd take off like a shot!

I took the other 3 into the ENT today.  We were referred by the dentist because he refuses to work on a cavity on Brother Bear until he got a go-ahead from an ENT for his huge tonsils.  So we figured we may as well get all 3 kids looked at while we were there.  *sigh*  And the verdict?  Princess is getting out her HUGE tonsils, possibly adenoids, and a tube put into her ear (to drain fluid that has been there for years and is now the consistency of rubber cement).  Cowboy's adenoids are massive and need to come out and while they are in there they are going to take out his tonsils as well.  Brother Bear is also having adenoids and tonsils out.  I figured we may as well get the misery over with all together so I scheduled them all for the same day.  Lucky for me, my mom is flying out to UT with my grandma on the 11th, so instead of flying back home on the 12th, she is going to come up here so she can help me out with the kids on the 13th.  Yay for mommies!  :)  She is a life saver.  Now we just need some extra prayers that the kids are all healthy enough for their surgeries.  Princess is scared, but I remember when I got mine out - the summer after kindergarten and told her how it went for me.  I think she'll be okay.

We also said goodbye to our husband/daddy today.  He must be wearing off on me.  I cried all the way home after dropping him off for the airport shuttle (all 10 minutes) and when I got home, wiped off my tears and thought, "we'll be fine.  No sense crying about it."  hahaha!  Oh Zane, how you have changed me.  He will be greatly missed.  Luckily we have school starting again to get our minds busy.  It's hard to believe my babies are halfway done with 1st grade and preschool!  I say it all the time, but time is just FLYING!  I want it to slow down, but it just makes me more determined to take those small moments with my babies and treasure them.  Time enough to do dishes and laundry - that's one of my new resolutions: relax about the cleaning, and get on the floor and play.  I will only get my babies' childhoods once.

Just some updated pics of the kids.  You can't really see the extent of the rolls on Baby Boy, but he is definitely our little butterball!  :)  Christmas was fantastic for all of us.  Zane's parents surprised us for a quick visit and we had one of his brother and family over.  So much fun!  We've definitely enjoyed having Zane home for the holidays and it is going to be SO hard to say goodbye again for another 4 1/2 months.  The kids are doing great - learning and growing like weeds.  Princess and I have been reading a Junie B book she got for Christmas, Brother Bear can now count to 10 by himself, Cowboy is in a stage of only wanting to play with whatever another person is playing with (but he's pretty cute about it - "I love you so much, and I love for you to play with this and I'd love for me to play with that!  Okay?  Because I love you so much").  :)  hahaha.  Baby Boy is rolling all over and is now sitting up really well for long periods of time.  He has also moved into the stage of realizing when Mom walks away from him and therefore starts bursting into heartbreaking tears.  We'll see how this next stage goes when Mom is on her own.  :)  Hope everyone is having a wonderful end to their year.  I'm looking forward to all the changes and challenges of 2011!  I have a goal of actually sitting down and highlighting our past year...we'll see if it happens before the 1st. 

Time: flying and dragging

Is it possible for time to fly and drag at the same time?  There are ten more days until Christmas, I feel like I never get finished with what I need to in the day before it's time to crash, and I look at my kids and think: where has the time gone?  Meanwhile I am thinking, has Zane really only been gone just under 3 weeks??  It feels like FOREVER!  When is he coming HOME???  :)  Pathetic?  You bet!

Princess is doing so well in school and piano.  She just finished up her basketball season and really enjoyed it.  She was disappointed she didn't score a basket, but she was a great defender!  She is also involved with Girl Scouts and that has been a lot of fun.  She has mixed feelings about piano.  She doesn't like to learn how to sight read, and I'd love it if we could get her a Suzuki teacher to do the hear/play method (which she does really well when she allows me to show her how to play a song), but we have an awesome lady in our ward who is so great with her as a teacher and it's what we can do for now.  She is reading the Junie B books at school and I am really looking forward to her being home for a couple of weeks during Christmas!  Last night I was able to covertly record her reading one of our favorite books to the boys before bedtime.  It was a priceless and precious moment! 

Cowboy loves preschool!  I love the songs he learns and sings all the time at home.  Our favorite for Thanksgiving was "Gobble gobble, fat turkeys fat turkeys, Gobble gobble fat turkeys are we.  We're not made for living, we're made for Thanksgiving.  Gobble gobble fat turkeys are we!" (sung to Here We are Together).  Tonight he was singing, "I'm a little a snow man short and fat, here is my broomstick, here is my hat.  When the sun comes up see me melt, Oh no - now I'm a puddle."  (I'm a little teapot).  hahaha.  He is still quick to smile and hug (But NO kisses Mom!) and is still my little sugar hound.  His imagination is as rampant as ever, and he really likes to build with his Legos.

Brother Bear's vocabulary has expanded exponentially and it's almost sad to say goodbye to the baby era.  The other day he was playing with the train set and he said, "What uh heck?  Thas amazing!"  :)  His favorite thing to say right now is, "Mom - 'mere. Want to show you someping."  He loves to help with his baby brother and is such a little snuggle bug.  He can count almost to 10 by himself and loves to play or build "nose man!" (he says snow man for any playing in the snow).  He was sad when the snow melted and wants it to come back already.  :)  He still loves to help me make dinner and is my go-to guy for getting everyone drinks as he loves to play in the water.

Baby Boy is growing like a weed - a rather wide and chubby one.  :)  He is a roly poly oly and I LOVE his fat rolls.  We've had a hard time with his breathing for a while, so he is now a permanent part of my room (I moved all the furniture around and just put the crib in my room) although most of the time he ends up spending all night in bed with me.  He's been rolling from his back to his front, but just recently he figured out that he can roll over and over to get where he wants to go.  Oh dear for me!  Gone are the days of laying him down somewhere and having him stay.  He doesn't like sitting a whole lot, so I think he'll be happy to get his exersaucer for Christmas so he can stand and jump on his own.  He really is a well-tempered baby and I have been VERY blessed with such a sweet and calm boy.

As for me?  I am hanging in there.  We have been so blessed by good friends and neighbors, so it seems as though life is very easy, but there are definitely times I want to pull my hair out.  Thank goodness for a sweet mama who is willing to talk to me on the phone for a few minutes several times each day!  :)  I'm tired a lot - but what mom isn't?  And truly, for every bad or stressful occurrence, the Lord is right there to pour out a blessing immediately.  I'm so grateful.  Someone has adopted our family and is doing the 12 days of Christmas for us and that has been so fun!  The kids look forward to the doorbell ringing every night and wonder what is going to be waiting for us each day.  So to my anonymous benefactor, if you read my blog, thank you for making the holidays an even more special time for me and my children.  It has been so fun and precious - I am inspired to pay it forward to someone next year!

Hope everyone is enjoying all their festivities this year, and always remembering WHO is the reason for all the JOY.

Blessed

I have had possibly one of the worst days.  It started last night when I was up with either the baby or Brother Bear, or both every 20 minutes until about 3 am.  Both of the older boys had fevers all night and this morning Cowboy got diarrhea while changing his clothes and got it on his bedroom floor.  I tried to make an appt with the doctor for all 3 boys, but they would only let me schedule the two worst.  It was snowing all morning making the drive to the doctor take twice as long and twice as scary on the unplowed roads.  I forgot my wallet and had to turn around to get it since we have a different insurance now.  Both of the older boys got prescriptions for antibiotics.  Poor Brother Bear has both a bacterial and viral infection.  SO, knowing I was going to have to wait at a pharmacy I drove by a fast food place to pick them up some lunch while Baby Boy was screaming hysterically because he was soo hungry.  On the way to get the food, Brother Bear threw up all over himself and the car seat.  The roads were horrible so I couldn't really do anything but throw him some napkins and baby wipes and blindly pat him.  So we got to Walmart (they have a drive thru pharmacy and are close to our home and already have our insurance info).  They say they just got it and it will be 20 minutes.  Okay, I figured as much so we go sit in the parking lot where I strip Brother Bear out of his soaking coat and shirt and nurse Baby Boy.  In the meantime Cowboy has to go to the bathroom, but I can't take Brother Bear in without a shirt or coat, so I tell him to hang on for just a few more minutes.  We waited almost 30 minutes and then drove up to get our prescription.  A different lady told me that they had just gotten the prescription and it would be 20 minutes.  I said I had already heard that 30 minutes ago from someone else.  To which she said well, it's still processing so it will be another 20 minutes okay?  Annoyed and agitated, but determined to not lose it and be nice I said Fine and drove away desperately trying to control my anger so I wouldn't drive recklessly on the nasty roads.  My controlling my increasing fury at having to go home and then come back later when I didn't want to be on the roads any more than I had to came to a head and I slammed my hand down hard.  What happened next you ask?  I dislocated my ring finger.  Seriously made the top of it crooked.  We got home to a snow covered driveway (that I had JUST scraped of all the ice yesterday) and I got the kids inside, changed Brother Bear and went into the bathroom calling my mom and just lost it.  I sobbed and bawled and sobbed some more.  I didn't want to go to the doctor because I knew I didn't need a cast,  I just had to push it back into place, so that was a joy to do and all the while I just kept thinking, "really?"  I wanted my husband here to go pick up the medicine so I didn't have to go out again.  I wanted him to take care of the kids so I could take a nap.  The day ended with having to change Brother Bear's pillow and shirt 6 times because he coughed so hard he threw up every 5-10 minutes while I was trying to nurse poor Baby Boy.  Oh, and Cowboy's had 5 bloody noses today.

It was a pretty rotten day.  But, here's what also happened.  The doctor offered to look at Baby Boy's ears and listen to his chest while we were there just to make sure so I didn't have to bring him back in tomorrow.  And he is just fine, only super stuffy.  I slid through two intersections, had my brakes lock up and still didn't get into any wrecks.  My sweet neighbors continue to take my daughter to school each morning and another friend brought her home for me today.  I was able to have all three boys down at the same time for a nap today and had the energy I needed to catch up on the dishes and pick up the house a bit.  I was also able to spend some alone time with my wonderful daughter who makes me laugh.  My visiting teacher brought me dinner yesterday and there was enough for leftovers.  But I made dinner tonight (as well as cookies) without making too much of a mess in my kitchen and now I have two more meals that I don't have to cook this week.  Some of the boys from church came over after their activity tonight and shoveled my driveway which I was dreading doing because of my finger.  And I've been able to keep my cool with the kids and not completely collapsed from exhaustion.

My point?  I am so blessed.  Truly.  I can literally feel the hand of the Lord and the strength of prayers from those who are praying for us.  People are offering help just when I need it and I am SO grateful.
Speaking of grateful, my boy just threw up again, so I need to go.  :)

Armor

"God gave us the armor, it is up to us to put it on."

That was on a church sign this week and when I read it, it got me thinking.  Our faith teaches us about putting on the whole armor of God, but what does that really mean to me?  What is the armor God gave to us?  The world these days is a scary place and much of the time I feel like our children are going into a world that is at war against values.  My husband is in the military and the amount of body armor they have to wear when in the field is amazing.  So what am I doing to make sure my family and I are protected with the armor of God?  

Of course it is the general Sunday School answers, but I wonder how good of a job I am doing at helping my children do those things EVERY day.  I find that it is hard for me to do more than just the family scripture study and prayers, but my kids need their own time especially as they get older.  Each of them need to learn to say their morning and night prayers by themselves (which translated right now means that Mom has to help them morning and night).  That hasn't even really crossed my mind.  Princess is reading now - shouldn't I be encouraging her to read the scriptures on her own each day?  I think to myself that it is really difficult to accomplish all that I need to, but I think I'm skimping on the more important things.  Having a clean house is important, but it's more important that my children feel loved and are taught the important things that will allow them to put on the armor that God gave us.

On another note, I'm struggling with keeping my emotions in check the last couple of days and it is making me be a not-so-good mom.  It's a difficult balance and I'm afraid I'm losing.  I feel sad and stressed about Zane leaving us and it is seriously depressing.  I just don't want to do anything and that translates into me not wanting to be involved with the kids.  I'm here, but not really.  It's pointless to be sad and depressed right now - it just wastes all our time and energy.  SO I'm trying really hard to get on top of it.  But it's hard.  Really hard.  I feel like I can no longer avoid thinking about it, but I need to in order to get through the next couple of weeks.  I just need to get myself in check so I can be sad, but not debilitatingly sad.  It will all be fine I know, but it's been a rough couple of days.  Good thing kids are pretty resilient and so far haven't minded me letting them watch movies.  They don't have school tomorrow, so I figure we'll do something super fun to knock me out of this funk.

All gone Mom!

Cute story about Brother Bear today.  He got a bag of M&M's at the store with me this morning and when I was driving home, I reached back to get a couple.  He said, "Mom!  Mine!"  I laughed and commented that it was a share bag and he should share with Mommy.  So what did he do?  Grabbed as many M&M's as he could fit in his little hands and when I reached back again he said, "see? Gone!"  I said, "no, they are in your hands silly!"  So he puts his hands behind his back and says, "No!  See?  Gone!"  HAHAHA.  Stinker.

Oh, and an addendum to my previous post.  I got the car all shampooed and clean.  Brother Bear found a pen this morning and colored all over the back of the seats.  :)  And I wonder why we don't buy a new van. haha.

Mama said there'd be days like this...

Where do I start?  That is the question running through my head as I observe the damages.  I'm just going to list the amazing amount of things on my to do list and detail as I go in no particular order while I am sitting here nursing Baby Boy.

- Laundry.  Why is it that you can never really be done with laundry?  There is always a load waiting to be washed or folded and put away.  A diaper got into the washer last night.  Pills everywhere.  So the washer and floor had to be cleaned out as well as the entire load dried and washed again to get all the remaining pills.
- Dishes.  Like laundry, you either have a load to be washed or put away and if you even take one day off - it's over and catching up is so hard.  (I'm in catch up mode).
- Car.  I started to clean the car yesterday because I need to make it nice so I stop coveting the new Honda Odyssey as much.  That, and it was sooo smelly that it just HAD to be shampooed.  Here is just a few of the things that needed to be shampooed out of the carpet floor that happened recently: chocolate milk, soda, pineapple juice, gum, chocolate.  Not to mention the years of abuse from dirt, mud, and yes, I'm sure there is even some pee in those wonderful cloth seats.  GROSS.  So I got some of it shampooed and scrubbed off walls, but I still need to finish.  I have a little timer called a baby that interrupts projects every couple of hours.  Not to mention the feeding, picking up from school, and diaper changing of the others.
- Carpet and couches.  There are many places that need to be shampooed in the house, but none more urgently than the living room.  In the last 3 days, my sweet children have gotten candy and chocolate, marker, juice, mud, pee, poop (baby explosions are unmatchable), blood, and vaseline into my carpet and couches.  Did I mention that Brother Bear made off with an ice cream blizzard when I wasn't looking and dumped it all over the floor in the play room and on top of one of the library books while I was making lunch?  The $200 investment we made into a carpet cleaner is once again paying for itself.  :)
- Add the toy room disaster from the boys (literally dumping every toy onto the floor and getting out the playdoh and mashing it into the floor), mopping the floor, and the bathroom that has to be washed at least every other day due to a inattentive little boy's aim and you will know why I am singing to myself, "mama said there'd be days like this, there'll be days like this my mama said."

SERIOUSLY.  This has all happened within the last couple of days.  Good thing the weather is beautiful and Zane will be gone to Utah from Thursday thru Sunday.  I'm not sure why it's easier to clean without him around because he really isn't that messy, but I think it removes the pressure I put on myself to have it all done by the time he gets home every day.  Kay, baby's done eating, guess we'll load him up in the bouncer and head out to finish the car.

Hello, it's been awhile

Long overdue post this morning.  Baby boy had his 2 month appointment (at 11 wks) and measured 23+ inches (I don't remember the exact number, I just know it was more than 23 and just less than 24) and weighed 14 lbs 10 oz.  Yes, I have another big boy.  :)  He's super sweet and cute.  He's a very quiet baby for the most part.  Every once in a while I can get a little laugh or coo out of him after the other kids go to bed.  I think it's just so loud and busy around here that he doesn't get time to have a coo in edgewise.

Seven years ago today I ignored many family and friends and married my husband.  :)  So glad I did.  We've had our ups and definitely low downs, but I truly love him and I'm glad he's the father of my sweet children and my forever sweetheart.  Happy anniversary Zane!

Halloween (or the day before as it was) was a fun experience.  We had a party at the church followed by a 4 ward trunk or treat.  Not a lot of people understood our costume (we were the black eyed p's), Princess was a cheerleader again, Cowboy was Batman, Brother Bear a Cowboy, and Baby Boy was a little monkey.  I did win the chili cook-off with my mother-in-law's recipe (just tweaked my way) so Zane was pretty happy.  We got a couple of pictures on Halloween of the kids after trunk or treating.  They aren't very great because I was using Zane's work camera and couldn't figure out the settings, but here are some.  Oh, and the marker on Cowboy's face is permanent.  :)  Nice, huh?

Oh our life

is so fun and never predictable!  I loved majoring in broadcasting in college because news is always changing, and I liked the idea of never having the same day at work.  I had no idea motherhood was so unpredictable.  :)

Brother Bear is so fun and sweet - he is constantly making me smile with his looks and things he says.  He changes all his T's for C's and his B's for W's.  So he got a new toy this weekend - a "tow-woy"  Cowboy.  :)  So cute.  Tonight we asked the kids if someone would please take a cup to the sink.  Brother Bear grabbed it and I was clapping and said, "oh sweet boy thanks so much! what a good boy!"  So what does he do?  Walks the cup over to me, hands it to me, and says, "no. you. now."  I laughed so hard.  He pauses between every word he says and is so expressive.  I need to actually do a recording of a conversation with him sometime.

Baby boy is growing SO fast!  He literally grew overnight and is now in 3-6 month sleepers and almost out of all his 0-3 onesies.  The rolls of sweet chubs are popping out all over his arms and legs.  He reminds me a lot of Brother Bear.  It will be fun to see as he grows what he looks like.

The other two are doing well and enjoying school.  Super smart kids for sure!  I'll do more of an update on them another time.  Suffice it to say, they keep me on my toes.  :)

My hubby isn't working as crazy much, or we've just gotten used to him being gone...not really sure which!  :)  I love him, what can I say?  I'm sad he'll be leaving in just over 6 weeks, but we'll enjoy him as long as we can!

Baby Boy

I feel like we had a bit of a rough start with Baby Boy.  Time and experimentation has helped with the nursing, tummy issues, and general screaming episodes.  I'm happy to say, I think we've finally settled in and each day he is capturing the sweetness award more and more.  I love when he nurses - as soon as he latches, he puts his hands down on his stomach and folds them on top of each other with his fingers spread out.  Not sure what it is, but it just is sooo cute and melts my heart.  I keep trying to get a picture that actually looks like him, and I finally captured a couple last night.

Cowboy-isms

This kid cracks me up - here are just a couple of things he has said today.

"I don't want a umber-cues!" (cucumber)
"Mom, I'm going to marry Melia...at the zoo...and then KISS her!  But first, I have to fly my car space jet...my Diego car space jet. Only we're not getting married in October."  Is Melia your girlfriend? "Ew no! We're just getting married - at the zoo!" Oh, so when are you getting married?  "{exasperated} AFTER I fly my Diego car space jet Mom!"  Oh, okay.
"Today was Parker's birthday.  It's his October birthday.  We got cupcakes!"  Yum!  When's your birthday?  "Um, I don't know...But not in October!"