Content

I posted this on facebook, but I love being content. Of course, I don't think you should be too content and just let things go and stop striving for higher - but it's nice to be able to sit down and look at my husband and children, think on our journey and be...happy. It is certainly a blessing from God, especially considering all that is uncertain in our lives right now.

I've been on a pioneer kick lately. Maybe that's why I am feeling so content and happy. The things they were able to endure and the attitudes with which they lived have really inspired me to adopt the slogan by Elder Wirthlin, "Come what may, and love it!" There is a bigger picture and focusing on the eternal scheme helps smooth out the roughness of our every day roads.

8 years ago...

I was glued to a television screen along with millions of other Americans feeling utter shock and horror at the events occuring before my eyes. I remember gasping and shouting "Oh NO!" as I watched one tower, then the other collapse into nothingness wondering how many people were now dead. I remember sobbing and crying that my homeland was under attack, and the comfort and strength that filled me when everyone else I saw had the same tear streaked faces. The fierce patriotism and humble turning to the God of all was awe-inspiring.

Some seem to have forgotten and that really frustrated me last year. But I remember. I will never forget. And as long as there is at least one willing to stand and pay tribute, those who died, sacrificed, and defend will be remembered. I am an American, I do believe in God, I will teach my children who is in charge of this blessed nation, and until my dying day I will proudly hang my flag and declare GOD BLESS AMERICA!

(I hope this doesn't come across that everyone else doesn't care, I was just trying to say that I will never forget and therefore I know at least one person who will always remember).

Lock your Toilets

Brother Bear has discovered a new toy...the toilet. He is so proud of himself when he dumps an entire roll of toilet paper, or half a bag of wipes, or most recently several toys. At least he's not trying to flush - YET! *sigh* What can you do though when you have a newly potty trained 3 yr old who has to go on a moment's notice? You can't exactly lock your toilet...

SO excited for this new stage! :) hehe.

Autumn

I LOVE autumn!  Today is the first day that it actually feels and smells like it and I am in such a great mood.  

The smell alone is so invigorating to me - crisp and fresh.  Love love LOVE it!

This time of year just makes me wish we could go back to the old days where everyone stays in the same town and you have Sunday dinner at Grandma's with all the extended family around. It's nice sometimes to live in a community that farms because you get that added harvest time excitement and atmosphere.  :)  I am so looking forward to this fall season - Halloween and Thanksgiving, and soon after, Zane's graduation and Christmas!  

So bring on the sweaters and yummy smells!  :) 

I just googled some images of wallpaper for autumn, so no clue who to give credit for this lovely montage.  :)

Cold Cereal

There are many modern conveniences for which I am truly grateful ie - indoor plumbing, hot water, medicine, modes of transportation and communication, appliances, and much much more.  But I have to say, I am REALLY grateful for cold cereal.  It's such a quick and easy meal, any time of the day - and if you pick the right kinds, they can actually be pretty nutritious.  Someone really should write an ode to cold cereal - it's that great!  :)

What a week

So last Wednesday we found out Zane had to pick a state/area to live in for the military by the end of the week in order for him to get his choice of what branch he wanted (ie-military intelligence, combat engineers, finance, etc).  CRAZY!  Our original plan was to go where the job is when he graduates...not so much.  It's been a week of lots of prayers, fasting, and relying on faith that wherever we chose, Zane would be able to find a job there.  I can't even imagine trying to do this without relying on inspiration, I would probably go nuts.  That being said, we narrowed down our choices to Washington and Georgia, but we felt neutral on both and on Friday we were still stewing over the choices.  We talked and talked and talked, and then decided on Boise.  :0D  Yes, Boise.  Isn't it funny how life works?  Zane is really excited because he is going to do a masters program out there for community and regional planning - the entire reason he got into construction management in the first place (we had just forgotten about it in the grind of nitty gritty).  We'll be close to my grandma which will be so great, and it's a great place to live, so we are thrilled about the turn of events!  Not sure whether we will be staying here after he graduates in December for Princess to finish kindergarten while Zane's in training, or move over there in January...we'll have to see at a later date.  

Meanwhile, I got REALLY sick this weekend and am basically bedridden for the second day in a row.  I wouldn't be surprised if it's mono, or something to do with mono, but I'm pulling for a funny case of the flu.  :)  We'll finally have insurance as of tomorrow, so I can get into the doctor and see what in the world is going on.

I'll have to post more later when I can post pictures, but Princess started kindergarten this last week and LOVES going to school!  She loves riding the bus, feeling so big, etc.  I love that little girl and it is so fun to watch her bloom.  I cried a little bit when we were saying prayers before she left, and then when I dropped her off and drove home without her, but it was hard to be sad when she was SOOO excited.  I'm not on the computer with the pictures, so I'll have to do that when I feel better.  

A much needed update

I don't feel like I can do a complete update, but since it has been 2 months since writing on here, a brief overview is definitely in order. So here is what's happening in our neck of the woods:

-Cowboy is POTTY-TRAINED!!! I am soo grateful he was so easy and he rarely has any accidents and I rarely have to remind him to go - just when we are out and about. IT is AWESOME and after my last round of potty training, I am so grateful and relieved - I was dreading this day and now that it has come and gone - I can't believe I didn't do it sooner! :)

-Princess starts school next week and it is hard to believe. She is extremely excited, and I have to admit, I am getting excited too. She is so ready for this next step, but it is hard for me to know I am no longer going to be in control of everything she is exposed to. It makes me more determined to be less critical and more encouraging, and on top of our family home evenings to combat everything she will be getting thrown at her the next several years. My baby - she said that it was "ok" if I took her to her classroom the first day of school, but NOT after that "Only one time Mom! Then I ride the bus." *sigh* I'm glad Zane will be home then because I get a little teary just thinking about it.

- Brother Bear is a whole new child. The last month he has seriously blossomed! It is so fun to see him getting involved and trying to make people laugh and jabbering. He is such a sweetheart and still a mama's boy with not a lot of affinity toward other women, but he took to his grandpa and uncles for sure! He's a "man's man" kind of boy - I love to watch him learn and grow. He has his own language right now that is getting a little easier to decipher, but I have a feeling I will be needing to translate anything he doesn't sign for other people for quite a while...what a cutie.

- Zane is enjoying his time right now in Georgia learning about helicopters and is getting excited to jump/slide/whatever out of them and will be home from all training/internship etc on Saturday. Yay for us! We haven't seen too much of him this year it seems like. He starts in on his final semester of school in September! There is an end to all of this - I'm so grateful! Where we will be and what we will be doing is still in the air a bit, and he still has more training after he commissions, so all that is still to be determined, but hey - he's commissioning and getting his diploma in December - HOOAH!!

- I've had a rough month myself, but am so grateful for supportive and loving parents (on both sides!) I'm not sure I would have made it this last week without my mom here to listen to me and just provide me some companionship. It was fun to go out to VA for so long and see my parents and sister. We didn't really do a whole lot, but it was nice to be out of our apartment for a while. Zane was able to fly out and join us and a day after he got there my cousin died, we had the funeral the following week in Pennsylvania (which there are definitely some BEAUTIFUL areas there!!! We fell in love with the dutch country) and a couple of days after the funeral we found out Zane had to be home 3 days earlier than expected to go to GA and right after we arranged to go back sooner, my grandpa (dad's dad) died in Utah. So we flew in LATE friday, drove home Sat, Zane got on a flight Sun, and I drove back down to UT for the funeral Monday. It's been a little exhausting so I was so glad when my mom told me she was coming up to my house for a week and would be leaving just a couple days before Zane got home. What a blessing!

On that note, I need to get some things done, but I just want to say I am so blessed. I have a wonderful and supportive family, good friends, much to be grateful for, but most of all, I am SO blessed to have the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It sustains me, strengthens me, lifts me, and touches my life in every way. In so much chaos in the world and even in my own life at times, just knowing who I am, why I am here, where I am going, and WHO is in charge gives me so much peace, comfort, and HOPE. There is life after death, we can be with our loved ones forever, and no matter what life may throw at us, the Lord will carry us through. I am truly BLESSED.

AM I CRAZY?!?!?

For a while I have been feeling frustrated with the amount of television my family and I watch.  It is so addicting!  At night we don't even really watch anything, we just keep surfing the channels watching various uninteresting things and are just lazy.  I hate it.  So Zane and I have been talking about it for a while and I decided maybe we should just unplug the cable so all we could do was watch movies.  Then it dawned on me that wasn't going to solve the amount of watching at all either because I would just throw in movies for the kids.

So today, Zane and I packed up our beautiful television in its box, took down the wall mount, and packed it away in storage.  Are we crazy?  I'm sure there will be times I think I am.  But I just feel like there is more to life and we are stuck on the couch TOO much!  So now I am going to go and buy some pretty thing to put on my wall to cover the nakedness.  :)  Wish me luck in this endeavor!

By the way, I have to be honest - we aren't going completely tv-less.  Eventually we will be bringing back our itty bitty tv to put in our room strictly for movies on sick days and those horrible Rexburg winters when I need a break from entertaining children.  :)  But I think it will be on less if it's not a focal point in the house...I hope!

Princess is 5!!!

Picking strawberries with her aunt


"Belle" with her totally awesome cake. (if I do say so myself) (:

Still a Daddy's girl

Her friends and cousins-all dolled up.

I am so in love with this girl! She is my first baby. Princess is the best helper to me, and so much fun to be around. I couldn't ask for more. My heart is so full! Happy birthday to my baby girl Princess!

Mommy days

The last couple of days have been hard for me. I find it is so easy to get down on myself because I know I can be more - not just that I want to be, but I can and I just have to do it. There is a fine line though when it comes to knowing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses and not letting either become a burden. I can be a very patient person and it is a strength - however, I haven't been utilizing that strength as much because I have fallen into a habit of crabbiness and frankly I've just become lazy.

So my quandry is how to overcome the laziness and yet not run faster than I am able. I'm a single mom right now for all intents and purposes and there are days when I am just exhausted! How can I be a good mom to my kids? I think we have all reached a peak in our emotions with Zane being gone so much. Really, I think my problem is how to deal with my own issues of being alone while trying to reassure and help my children feel the extra love and attention they NEED right now. I feel so guilty because they are hanging on my skirts (literally) whining and needing to be extra close, and all I want is to have some personal space!

This post is not for sympathy - I really don't want it. I just needed to vent for a minute and throw the question out there - what can I do? How can I be a better mom to my kids when they need it the most and I feel like I have nothing to give? I feel like I am at the point where even though I am praying, I am so drained and can't turn off my head long enough to hear the answer.

And I really need to say thanks to those who are helping me - I don't know what I would do without it!

Birthday and Weekend fun!

Here are just a bunch of pictures from the boys' birthdays and playing on the weekend. There aren't many pics of Cowboy (may as well write his name since it's on the cake - oh well.) on the b-day, but we did get lots of video of him.

Penny for your thoughts

Or a dime in this case.

Zane was home this weekend and it was so great!  It was incredibly sad to say goodbye this time because my parents weren't here to buffer the loneliness at departure.  But he was able to go to church on Sunday with us which was so nice.

Before church Brother Bear decided to choke on and swallow a coin.  Zane didn't see what kind and just shrugged and said it would pass.  I wasn't so sure so I called poison control and the doctor's office and they said I needed to get x-rays.  Off we went and everything was fine - the dime was already in his stomach and now I have the fun job of going through every single diaper until I find the dime.  Yay for me!

Playing Catch Up

I've been waiting to do a post on here until I downloaded some pictures off our camera so I could post some of the adventures we've been having lately.  But time is slipping by and if I wait too long, my post will be forever long!  So here's what's been happening in our neck of the woods-

Zane finished his semester strong and it's amazing to think he only has 4 more classes until graduation!  Woohoo!  I don't think I ever thought this day would come.  So he packed his bags and headed down to Salt Lake for the summer working as an intern for Kiewit.  Our dear friend's parents are being so gracious in allowing him to stay with them in Sandy - they are truly the best and we are SO grateful!!  He'll be up on some weekends, but it looks as though things are going to get pretty crazy in the office with estimating 3 projects all at once - so between drill weekends and overtime, I'm afraid we won't see him too much all summer - sad.

I am feeling very grateful this summer because the two older kids were accepted into the preschool at the college for the summer.  Yay!  That means I will have 2 hrs in the morning with just Brother Bear M-W-F each week until July.  That will make life sooo much easier to go grocery shopping and run some errands.  It's amazing how you feel like you can't do anything when you have your first baby, then as you add more - having ONLY one with you is so easy!  :)  Life is all a matter of perspective, right?  They are really excited to be going to preschool too.  Princess starts kindergarten this fall - can you believe it?  I'm in shock.  We went to registration with her on Monday and I just couldn't believe in a few short months I'm going to be watching her get on a bus to go to school!  She is so excited, so it's hard to be sad, but still - she'll always be my baby girl!

Easter week was so fun!  We had an Easter egg hunt the thursday before, and my parents came into town late Friday night and brought with them some sunshine so they played outside all day Saturday with Grandma and Grandpa.  Cowboy and Princess also had their gymnastics olympics that morning which was a lot of fun but I didn't feel well so I stayed home.  To our surprise - the Easter bunny came and left clues for where to find easter baskets while I was in the shower so the kids had a blast finding them when they got home.  ;o)  Zane left right after sacrament meeting to go to Utah, but my parents stayed until Monday evening.  I am so glad they were able to come!  I hope we'll be able to go out and stay with them for a bit this summer...let me know if you see any great deals to Dulles from SLC.

So that brings us a little up to date as far as events.  THe kids are changing so much and I love it.  Brother Bear refuses to walk because he can get there faster crawling, but he's coming into his own and likes to make us all laugh with his new sounds.  Cowboy has suddenly decided he needs to act 3 (not listening, being a little stinker) but he is so cute and quick to repent it's hard to stay mad for long.  Princess is amazing me with her maturity - she loves to color, read and write stories (with all the letters she knows) and she has informed me that she is very good at sports and thinks she needs to do some.  :)  I love my job!

A glimpse of spring...

And then it is gone with the snow.  *Sigh*  Well, we enjoyed two beautiful days of sunshine and warmer weather, but that's Idaho for you.  It's been known to snow in June.

Here's a big surprise: we were in the doctor's office this morning.  Cowboy has a sinus and ear infection and a perforated eardrum.  Yay.  I am so tired of having my kids on antibiotics and decongestant.  But you know, as in all things i am grateful we are only having to go in for minor things like infections.  Life is too short, too sweet to be ungrateful for all the adventures our little ones bring us - both good and bad.

This is my official "mom" haircut.  I love it for the most part (I'm in a bit of grieving for the length, but I still like it).  It's fun and SO short - and I have to admit I LOVE how long it takes me to shower and get ready.  BIG plus!

Coughs and sniffles

So I am no longer quarantining (sp?) my children.  I've sanitized, scrubbed hands, and wiped noses and they are happily playing with some friends today.  I really hope that I don't pass along any germs, but it's so great to listen to the 4 of them giggle and laugh as they play.  Totally selfish of me probably, but I really am trying to be proactively cautious...

On a side note poor Zane found out he has to report for his summer training in Washington on his birthday.  Poor guy always gets gipped on his birthday - we've only been together 2 of his birthdays the last 6 years.  I guess we should have known it wouldn't have been any different this year.  Just looks like the kids and I will be going out to Virginia a little earlier than we thought...maybe.

Better go.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Not one of us is wearing green right now, due mostly to the fact I have a mound of laundry still to get done and I'm pretty sure everything green that we own is dirty.  :)  Oh well, the boys are sick and we can't go anywhere or see anyone anyway!  I'm getting a bit stir crazy, as are they but what can you do?  I'm pretty sure whatever they have is pretty contagious, seeing as though our poor niece came over here last week for only 15-20 minutes and now she is sick with the same stuff. *sigh*  I am really looking forward to the summer.  I feel like I can Lysol everything in the house and still the germs just circulate through the air.  I think the next time we can leave the house all day I am going to spray everything down and open every window ALL DAY.  Surely that will help...right?

Brother Bear has pretty much been sick and croupy for a month now - not miserable, but he purrs when he breathes and has an amazing amount of snot coming out of him.  YUCK.  Cowboy seems to have gotten a different bug that hit hard and fast Saturday night.  Fever, vomit, diarrhea, sore throat, dehydration, etc.  Poor kid was miserable.  On Sunday he was crying, "there's fire in my eyes Mommy!"  He seems to be doing better - the fever is gone but his throat still hurts and he has a killer cough.  Thankfully my sweet Princess has inherited her father's immune system and hasn't had a problem...yet!  I think she is very tired of being trapped indoors and super bored because the sickos have kept us pretty busy.  For some reason, they can't seem to nap at the same time when they are sick.  She is such a good trooper though!  I am thinking we should definitely reward her this week for being a big helper.  I would love to throw the tv away after this weekend though - it's been on WAY more than I ever want it on in a week!

Zane's in the last 2 or 3 weeks of the semester and then it's off to UT for his internship.  We won't really see him from the weekend of Easter until the first week of May.  He'll come back up for Brother Bear's and Caleb's birthday.  Crazy - my kids are growing so fast!  It's hard to believe they'll be 1 and 3 in less than 2 months.  Hopefully they will be healthy by then to enjoy the day.  :D  haha.

Mac vs PC

I am considering the two options. We have a mac laptop and a PC desktop. I spent a majority of my college years on a Mac doing things with communications and while it has a learning curve, it is a solid computer void of the stupid bugs of a PC. The PC on the other hand has much of the programs that Zane needs for construction related things and while you can get parallels on a Mac, it's not the same. This being said, I HATE MY PC. It takes FOREVER to boot, has tons of problems and is always working out some type of bug. I gotta say, I'm really leaning towards getting another Mac because inevitably this PC is going to konk out and I'm pretty sure it will be sooner than later. I never would have thought the daughter of an engineer would become a Mac loyalist. :)

Too close to home

I knew this family when I lived in Dalton, GA.  They are one of those families who you can't help but love - kind, generous, fun loving, and super funny.  I loved being with them.  We moved, they moved and they became a fond memory that resurfaced every now and then.  Even with the distance and time, I am heart broken for them tonight.  Michael Alleman was killed in Iraq on Monday leaving behind his wife, 2 boys (6 &4), and the rest of his wonderful family.  I can't help the tears that are welling in my eyes not only for this family and their loss, but the reality of having a loved one in the military.  Maybe it's selfish to think about myself in this tragedy but I can't help but think that could be me soon.  When your husband or loved one joins the military no matter the branch, you understand the risk they are signing up for - there is a 99.9% chance they will be going to some sort of war/conflict and being in danger.  Granted, driving to work in traffic is dangerous, but you don't sign on a line that you are willing to put yourself in a position to be killed willingly.  Zane will be deployed, it's just a matter of when and this tragedy just hits a little too close to home.

My prayers and thoughts are with the Alleman family.  "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  God bless him, and all our armed forces fighting overseas.  Please remember them and their families in your prayers - always.

Little boys...

I'm not sure if he's just special or if all boys are like this, but Cowboy exhausts me.  I have never known so much energy!  Seriously there are times that I just want to grab him and hold him down to MAKE him relax and be quiet for a whole minute.  Don't get me wrong, I love him to death.  But man alive - the kid is going to run me ragged at 27!  :)

Motivation

The kids have been sick on and off since November, but I completely used their sickness as an excuse NOT to go to the gym.  If I had only known the best motivation would be to go and try on dresses, I would have done it months ago.  :)  Zane has to go to his military ball and I need a nice dress to wear so I went in to try some on.  OH MY.  Needless to say, I have been in the gym every day since.  :) haha.  My rib is still hurting quite a bit, so I have to kind of work around it so I just do a lot of aerobic stuff.  Regardless, just wanted to put it out there no matter your size, if you want some major motivation to get in tip top shape go try on some formal dresses.  LOL.

I'm always glad when I get back into exercising, it makes me a better mama and much happier person.  It makes my life easier to schedule and prioritize.  Amazing how that works, eh?