AM I CRAZY?!?!?

For a while I have been feeling frustrated with the amount of television my family and I watch.  It is so addicting!  At night we don't even really watch anything, we just keep surfing the channels watching various uninteresting things and are just lazy.  I hate it.  So Zane and I have been talking about it for a while and I decided maybe we should just unplug the cable so all we could do was watch movies.  Then it dawned on me that wasn't going to solve the amount of watching at all either because I would just throw in movies for the kids.

So today, Zane and I packed up our beautiful television in its box, took down the wall mount, and packed it away in storage.  Are we crazy?  I'm sure there will be times I think I am.  But I just feel like there is more to life and we are stuck on the couch TOO much!  So now I am going to go and buy some pretty thing to put on my wall to cover the nakedness.  :)  Wish me luck in this endeavor!

By the way, I have to be honest - we aren't going completely tv-less.  Eventually we will be bringing back our itty bitty tv to put in our room strictly for movies on sick days and those horrible Rexburg winters when I need a break from entertaining children.  :)  But I think it will be on less if it's not a focal point in the house...I hope!

Princess is 5!!!

Picking strawberries with her aunt


"Belle" with her totally awesome cake. (if I do say so myself) (:

Still a Daddy's girl

Her friends and cousins-all dolled up.

I am so in love with this girl! She is my first baby. Princess is the best helper to me, and so much fun to be around. I couldn't ask for more. My heart is so full! Happy birthday to my baby girl Princess!

Mommy days

The last couple of days have been hard for me. I find it is so easy to get down on myself because I know I can be more - not just that I want to be, but I can and I just have to do it. There is a fine line though when it comes to knowing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses and not letting either become a burden. I can be a very patient person and it is a strength - however, I haven't been utilizing that strength as much because I have fallen into a habit of crabbiness and frankly I've just become lazy.

So my quandry is how to overcome the laziness and yet not run faster than I am able. I'm a single mom right now for all intents and purposes and there are days when I am just exhausted! How can I be a good mom to my kids? I think we have all reached a peak in our emotions with Zane being gone so much. Really, I think my problem is how to deal with my own issues of being alone while trying to reassure and help my children feel the extra love and attention they NEED right now. I feel so guilty because they are hanging on my skirts (literally) whining and needing to be extra close, and all I want is to have some personal space!

This post is not for sympathy - I really don't want it. I just needed to vent for a minute and throw the question out there - what can I do? How can I be a better mom to my kids when they need it the most and I feel like I have nothing to give? I feel like I am at the point where even though I am praying, I am so drained and can't turn off my head long enough to hear the answer.

And I really need to say thanks to those who are helping me - I don't know what I would do without it!

Birthday and Weekend fun!

Here are just a bunch of pictures from the boys' birthdays and playing on the weekend. There aren't many pics of Cowboy (may as well write his name since it's on the cake - oh well.) on the b-day, but we did get lots of video of him.

Penny for your thoughts

Or a dime in this case.

Zane was home this weekend and it was so great!  It was incredibly sad to say goodbye this time because my parents weren't here to buffer the loneliness at departure.  But he was able to go to church on Sunday with us which was so nice.

Before church Brother Bear decided to choke on and swallow a coin.  Zane didn't see what kind and just shrugged and said it would pass.  I wasn't so sure so I called poison control and the doctor's office and they said I needed to get x-rays.  Off we went and everything was fine - the dime was already in his stomach and now I have the fun job of going through every single diaper until I find the dime.  Yay for me!

Playing Catch Up

I've been waiting to do a post on here until I downloaded some pictures off our camera so I could post some of the adventures we've been having lately.  But time is slipping by and if I wait too long, my post will be forever long!  So here's what's been happening in our neck of the woods-

Zane finished his semester strong and it's amazing to think he only has 4 more classes until graduation!  Woohoo!  I don't think I ever thought this day would come.  So he packed his bags and headed down to Salt Lake for the summer working as an intern for Kiewit.  Our dear friend's parents are being so gracious in allowing him to stay with them in Sandy - they are truly the best and we are SO grateful!!  He'll be up on some weekends, but it looks as though things are going to get pretty crazy in the office with estimating 3 projects all at once - so between drill weekends and overtime, I'm afraid we won't see him too much all summer - sad.

I am feeling very grateful this summer because the two older kids were accepted into the preschool at the college for the summer.  Yay!  That means I will have 2 hrs in the morning with just Brother Bear M-W-F each week until July.  That will make life sooo much easier to go grocery shopping and run some errands.  It's amazing how you feel like you can't do anything when you have your first baby, then as you add more - having ONLY one with you is so easy!  :)  Life is all a matter of perspective, right?  They are really excited to be going to preschool too.  Princess starts kindergarten this fall - can you believe it?  I'm in shock.  We went to registration with her on Monday and I just couldn't believe in a few short months I'm going to be watching her get on a bus to go to school!  She is so excited, so it's hard to be sad, but still - she'll always be my baby girl!

Easter week was so fun!  We had an Easter egg hunt the thursday before, and my parents came into town late Friday night and brought with them some sunshine so they played outside all day Saturday with Grandma and Grandpa.  Cowboy and Princess also had their gymnastics olympics that morning which was a lot of fun but I didn't feel well so I stayed home.  To our surprise - the Easter bunny came and left clues for where to find easter baskets while I was in the shower so the kids had a blast finding them when they got home.  ;o)  Zane left right after sacrament meeting to go to Utah, but my parents stayed until Monday evening.  I am so glad they were able to come!  I hope we'll be able to go out and stay with them for a bit this summer...let me know if you see any great deals to Dulles from SLC.

So that brings us a little up to date as far as events.  THe kids are changing so much and I love it.  Brother Bear refuses to walk because he can get there faster crawling, but he's coming into his own and likes to make us all laugh with his new sounds.  Cowboy has suddenly decided he needs to act 3 (not listening, being a little stinker) but he is so cute and quick to repent it's hard to stay mad for long.  Princess is amazing me with her maturity - she loves to color, read and write stories (with all the letters she knows) and she has informed me that she is very good at sports and thinks she needs to do some.  :)  I love my job!

A glimpse of spring...

And then it is gone with the snow.  *Sigh*  Well, we enjoyed two beautiful days of sunshine and warmer weather, but that's Idaho for you.  It's been known to snow in June.

Here's a big surprise: we were in the doctor's office this morning.  Cowboy has a sinus and ear infection and a perforated eardrum.  Yay.  I am so tired of having my kids on antibiotics and decongestant.  But you know, as in all things i am grateful we are only having to go in for minor things like infections.  Life is too short, too sweet to be ungrateful for all the adventures our little ones bring us - both good and bad.

This is my official "mom" haircut.  I love it for the most part (I'm in a bit of grieving for the length, but I still like it).  It's fun and SO short - and I have to admit I LOVE how long it takes me to shower and get ready.  BIG plus!

Coughs and sniffles

So I am no longer quarantining (sp?) my children.  I've sanitized, scrubbed hands, and wiped noses and they are happily playing with some friends today.  I really hope that I don't pass along any germs, but it's so great to listen to the 4 of them giggle and laugh as they play.  Totally selfish of me probably, but I really am trying to be proactively cautious...

On a side note poor Zane found out he has to report for his summer training in Washington on his birthday.  Poor guy always gets gipped on his birthday - we've only been together 2 of his birthdays the last 6 years.  I guess we should have known it wouldn't have been any different this year.  Just looks like the kids and I will be going out to Virginia a little earlier than we thought...maybe.

Better go.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Not one of us is wearing green right now, due mostly to the fact I have a mound of laundry still to get done and I'm pretty sure everything green that we own is dirty.  :)  Oh well, the boys are sick and we can't go anywhere or see anyone anyway!  I'm getting a bit stir crazy, as are they but what can you do?  I'm pretty sure whatever they have is pretty contagious, seeing as though our poor niece came over here last week for only 15-20 minutes and now she is sick with the same stuff. *sigh*  I am really looking forward to the summer.  I feel like I can Lysol everything in the house and still the germs just circulate through the air.  I think the next time we can leave the house all day I am going to spray everything down and open every window ALL DAY.  Surely that will help...right?

Brother Bear has pretty much been sick and croupy for a month now - not miserable, but he purrs when he breathes and has an amazing amount of snot coming out of him.  YUCK.  Cowboy seems to have gotten a different bug that hit hard and fast Saturday night.  Fever, vomit, diarrhea, sore throat, dehydration, etc.  Poor kid was miserable.  On Sunday he was crying, "there's fire in my eyes Mommy!"  He seems to be doing better - the fever is gone but his throat still hurts and he has a killer cough.  Thankfully my sweet Princess has inherited her father's immune system and hasn't had a problem...yet!  I think she is very tired of being trapped indoors and super bored because the sickos have kept us pretty busy.  For some reason, they can't seem to nap at the same time when they are sick.  She is such a good trooper though!  I am thinking we should definitely reward her this week for being a big helper.  I would love to throw the tv away after this weekend though - it's been on WAY more than I ever want it on in a week!

Zane's in the last 2 or 3 weeks of the semester and then it's off to UT for his internship.  We won't really see him from the weekend of Easter until the first week of May.  He'll come back up for Brother Bear's and Caleb's birthday.  Crazy - my kids are growing so fast!  It's hard to believe they'll be 1 and 3 in less than 2 months.  Hopefully they will be healthy by then to enjoy the day.  :D  haha.

Mac vs PC

I am considering the two options. We have a mac laptop and a PC desktop. I spent a majority of my college years on a Mac doing things with communications and while it has a learning curve, it is a solid computer void of the stupid bugs of a PC. The PC on the other hand has much of the programs that Zane needs for construction related things and while you can get parallels on a Mac, it's not the same. This being said, I HATE MY PC. It takes FOREVER to boot, has tons of problems and is always working out some type of bug. I gotta say, I'm really leaning towards getting another Mac because inevitably this PC is going to konk out and I'm pretty sure it will be sooner than later. I never would have thought the daughter of an engineer would become a Mac loyalist. :)

Too close to home

I knew this family when I lived in Dalton, GA.  They are one of those families who you can't help but love - kind, generous, fun loving, and super funny.  I loved being with them.  We moved, they moved and they became a fond memory that resurfaced every now and then.  Even with the distance and time, I am heart broken for them tonight.  Michael Alleman was killed in Iraq on Monday leaving behind his wife, 2 boys (6 &4), and the rest of his wonderful family.  I can't help the tears that are welling in my eyes not only for this family and their loss, but the reality of having a loved one in the military.  Maybe it's selfish to think about myself in this tragedy but I can't help but think that could be me soon.  When your husband or loved one joins the military no matter the branch, you understand the risk they are signing up for - there is a 99.9% chance they will be going to some sort of war/conflict and being in danger.  Granted, driving to work in traffic is dangerous, but you don't sign on a line that you are willing to put yourself in a position to be killed willingly.  Zane will be deployed, it's just a matter of when and this tragedy just hits a little too close to home.

My prayers and thoughts are with the Alleman family.  "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  God bless him, and all our armed forces fighting overseas.  Please remember them and their families in your prayers - always.

Little boys...

I'm not sure if he's just special or if all boys are like this, but Cowboy exhausts me.  I have never known so much energy!  Seriously there are times that I just want to grab him and hold him down to MAKE him relax and be quiet for a whole minute.  Don't get me wrong, I love him to death.  But man alive - the kid is going to run me ragged at 27!  :)

Motivation

The kids have been sick on and off since November, but I completely used their sickness as an excuse NOT to go to the gym.  If I had only known the best motivation would be to go and try on dresses, I would have done it months ago.  :)  Zane has to go to his military ball and I need a nice dress to wear so I went in to try some on.  OH MY.  Needless to say, I have been in the gym every day since.  :) haha.  My rib is still hurting quite a bit, so I have to kind of work around it so I just do a lot of aerobic stuff.  Regardless, just wanted to put it out there no matter your size, if you want some major motivation to get in tip top shape go try on some formal dresses.  LOL.

I'm always glad when I get back into exercising, it makes me a better mama and much happier person.  It makes my life easier to schedule and prioritize.  Amazing how that works, eh?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Our valentine's day has been pretty great. Princess spent the night at her cousins' and so it was just me and the boys this morning. Cowboy was so cute and yelling "Happy Valentine's Day!" all morning long. He was so excited to get a special Valentine's surprise and had to call Grampa right away to tell him.

Princess had fun at her sleepover and I have decided that they are now banned until I forget how awful and crabby she is when she comes home from them. So she got her Valentine's surprise and and was pleasant about it for a whole 2 minutes until she started to complain and whine about her gift. *sigh* Seriously, NEVER again! I'll be happy when I have my nice rested Princess back to finish celebrating.

Cowboy and I made cookie dough this morning and so after naps the kids and I are making sugar cookies - as if they need ANY more sugar, but hopefully we can just deliver them or give them to Zane when he gets home.

Zane had his competition in Reno and none of the school's teams placed in the top two of their categories, so I think they are all kind of bummed. But he had some terrific interviews with a bunch of companies so he feels really great and confident in making those connections for future employment. He'll be getting home sometime tonight or tomorrow early morning. Yay for spending Valentine's Day without your spouse huh? :) Just teasing.

WHAT DID I DO??????

That is me screaming. I should have listened to myself halfway through Cowboy's haircut and just taken him to the barber, but NO. Ugh. It's the middle of winter and my son has NO hair. NONE. :( Guess he'll have to get used to a hat, poor thing. And he LOVED getting spikes in his hair. *whimper* My poor boy.

Ouch!

Yesterday was quite interesting.

Zane was leaving for drill early in the morning while I was still in bed. Suddenly I heard this crash and I FLEW out of bed because I was sure he had fallen and cracked his head or broken something. There was this nasty patch of ice at the bottom of our stairs and gratefully he had just twisted/sprained his ankle. He was VERY lucky to have been wearing his army boots that go up so high - otherwise he would have surely broken or completely torn something. So off he went to drill hobbling.

Fast forward to later that day. I am carrying Brother Bear and coming down with Cowboy to meet Princess outside to play. Step down at the bottom of the stairs and SLAM I hit the stupid patch of ice. I was carrying BB on my left side so I threw myself sideways and caught myself on the railing with my ribcage and shoulder blade full force. Ugh. It took me a few minutes to recover and stop myself from passing out because of lack of ability to breathe and I was in sooo much pain. But we had just gotten outside and I didn't want to tell Cowboy that he had to go in right then so I hobbled down to the playground with tears streaming down my face. I lasted for about 15 minutes before waves of nausea were overtaking me and then we all headed inside. By the time I got the kids snow clothes off and sat down I was sobbing uncontrollably and called Zane to have him come home. Lucky for me he thought to call his brother who came over and helped me until Zane came home.

So...Zane and I both went to urgent care last night. I am feeling very grateful that both of us just have minor injuries - no matter how painful. He is going to Reno this Wednesday and if i had a cracked or broken rib, that would have been torture! So...we are bruised and hurting, but not anything more serious which is very lucky. I should mention that Princess slipped on the same patch but slid to the side while wearing her snow suit, so she was padded enough to not get hurt, just a scrape. So now we get to file a complaint and get the apartments to pay the medical bill because our insurance won't cover 3rd party liability. Wish us luck with that one. I could post a whole other rant post about the stupidity of university housing and their utter disregard and ignorance of how to manage family housing. :) They would be buried 6 ft under in litigation any other state/city for all their issues. I should mention that I am referring to the person in charge in the housing office of the school, not the actual managers! :) (love ya Michelle!)

Happy February!

I love this month. I used to hate Valentine's Day because I just felt like it was way overrated (still is), however I am really starting to enjoy it. Something about having kids and helping them enjoy the holidays just makes every one better. I even got Valentine decorations and am helping the kids make some cards for people. I guess now I just think of it as more of an excuse to teach the kids different ways to show people how much they love and care for them. Plus it helps me to think of it too. :) But besides Valentine's day what makes February so great? Well, it's the shortest month of the year, my birthday is this month, and I love the color pink and can legitimately douse my house in it for decoration purposes. :o) So...happy February everyone!

New In Town

So I am telling everyone I know how much I loved this movie. I laughed sooo hard at one point I thought I was going to pee my pants. It's probably much better if you've ever been to Minnesota, but soo many correlations can be made to our current town. :) Loved it, great movie night. Zane and I were able to go to a movie and dinner courtesy of our awesome baby-sitter. We love her and so do the kids! Brother Bear is very mommified with anyone else, but just goes right to her and is happy as a clam AND takes a bottle.

So, all in all it was a great night. Good movie and dinner at Red Robin without kids. Can't beat that!

Fun fun

Princess crashed into the tree

New use for tools

Want to guess who's idea this was?

Ah, mi familia

Love their daddy

I love Cowboy's face in this one

Yay for Brother Bear!

I am so excited - Brother Bear learned to crawl...FINALLY!! I realize that now this means he is mobile and I have to actually be concerned about whether the bathroom is open or not and Barbie shoes are off the ground, but it's been a long time coming. He has been doing everything BUT crawling since before Christmas - rolling, pushing up onto his toes, flopping, going backwards, etc. So his cute little face was so happy and proud when he figured out how to go forward and came to where I was. SO fun! :o) You can just see it in his face as he sees something he wants and thinks, "Can I get it?" Then he crawls over to it and just jabbers and does this cute forced laugh thing "heh heh heh."

Joys of being a mom - you get to notice simple things and be thankful. Love it!